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The Gaying of American Television

     A few months ago I was sitting channel surfing at home and ran across this ad on Bravo for a show called Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. I thought the premise look different and at first thought it was a comedy skit, but realized it was real. I was intrigued by the show and started watching the double episodes.
     The premise of the show is that five "gay" men with acumen in different fields come together to take a "straight" man and "make him over" into something more chic or up-to-date to impress whomever. The show stars Kyan Douglas, Ted Allen, Carson Kressley, Jai Rodriguez, and Thom Filicia. The show runs on Bravo on Tuesdays at 10 PM.
     When I first saw it Bravo also had promo ads for their new show that was coming up, which was Boy Meets Boy. Now this was like a reality TV cum Love Connection. The "bachelor" is a man named James who is looking for a boyfriend; his best girlfriend Andra aids him in this venture. The two of them have to whittle away at the 15 "bachelor/contestants" to pick out the best man for James. Now the ringmaster for this is Dani Behr.
     The Official premise is that the main man, James, is being tested not only who would be best for him, but his "gaydar" as well, because seven of the fifteen are "straight." Therein was the foundation of the show. Now, I didn't follow this one as much as the other, but it did prompt me to think.
     How TV has changed. Years ago I wrote an article about how TV was going to Hell because Peg Bundy said "Bitch" and a show like Married with Children was such a hit. Now we have gays prancing all over the screen. Granted the whole 'gay trend' started a few years ago with Queer as Folk over on Showtime. However, I figured it was a fluke. I mean the only other homosexuality one saw was in HBO's Oz, which seemed to work for most.
     But now, I hear how they have a recurring lesbian character on As the World Turns and have heard and seen some other things going on. There was already on NBC's Will & Grace that has many homosexual characters in it and one of my favorite fag hags. (If you don't know what a 'fag hag' is, look it up in the soon to be released updated version of my dictionary.) Now NBC has a history of doing "gay" themed shows. Back in the 1980's the show Sidney had a character that it was assumed was gay. Now, comes the rumor that NBC will now take Bravo's Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and put it on after Will & Grace. (NBC owns Bravo.)

     Now one asks the question: Is this bad? No, I don't think so. I have seen over the years how more ethnic groups have started to appear on TV. In the 1970's and 1980's Blacks mainly appeared as troublemakers or some negative aspect of society turned positive. There where virtually no shows with black characters that where the focal point of the show, except for a few that where far between each other. Shows like Julia, I Spy, Mod Squad, Good Times, The Jefferson's and a handful of others where all that there was, which had a reoccurring black character or a show based on black characters. This age proved worse for Hispanics who only had one show of note with a reoccurring Hispanic character and that was Chico and the Man. Handicapped people where never seen on TV, unless an entire show's storyline was done around a visiting character. It wasn't until the 1990's that we see people with handicaps even in commercials or as a regular on a series.
     So is this "gaying" bad? No, it shows how America's view of this group is changing. If we can see "normal" gay characters on TV, who act and think just like us, then they are not so different. Some of the characterizations have been a tad stereotypical, but I have to say I haven't seen any leathermen beating up on any drag queen (Both words in my dictionary as well.) or any stock footage of gay pride festivals that the Religious Right likes to show. (If you've seen them, you know what I mean.)
So, in the final analysts I have to say it's quite fun to watch these shows. Granted, I am not going to lie and say I watch them all the time, except for maybe Queer Eye, but I do see them occasionally. Boy Meets Boy I certainly did without, mainly because most of the show didn't interest me. I don't get Showtime or HBO, so the other two where out and I catch Will & Grace whenever I can. (I love Karen!) Queer Eye does actually have good advice for people, God knows I have taken heed! Thought I am not sure if I am ready to spend a spa day with any man and be hosed down by liquid suntanning liquid.

David B. Smith Jr.
Minister of Propaganda
And
Popular Enlightenment

I have often thought of hosting my own cable access show.
Unfortunatly, we do not have cable access out here in the negaverse.
I wonder which way it ought to play?
I was thinking either live style commentary from public exocutions
or perhaps a telethon for aging out of work club kids.
Everybody get your black ribbons ready to pin on!
Once upon a time,back before ecstacy stole the E from Evil ...
there lived a race of people, actually it wasn't a race so much as a collective
maybe as far back as before RAP stole the R from Riverside. (I digress)
Anywho, these wacky kids were clubing 5 nights a week
and living the life that their parents feared the most,
and then all of a sudden poof! like old Atlanta, it was gone with the wind!
I cannot remember actually when it happened,
but it was kinda like waking up to that tall glass of gin next to you
and wondering how the hell you were persuaded to drink him last night.
What I want to call upon you people for is not donations
(although cash and checks are accepted ) but,
for something kinder and more civic minded.
If you see an aging clubkid crossing the street, help them accross and into the bar.
If you see one stumbling about , ask him if he's ok and give him a ride in your car.
If you see an aging clubkid stuck in line at the liquor store,give him 50 cents,
it makes the line go faster and it's the kind of selfless act
that keeps the wheels of America spinning.
If you see Steven Dare ask him if you can help him carry his self respect,
he'll have his hands full enough with his ego.
I must tell you my children of the nodapoc, these little kharmic gestures do not go unnoticed.
They benefit the whole community.
One large nation united in sorrow , commited to hospitals
no wait! Commited to the advancement of humankind through creative and artistic anacronism.
And then it's off to hospital!
Really its not that I like sleeping all the time I am just too miserable to stay awake.
So lets have done with the tofu trickery , it's time for red meat again
if you can't afford a fur coat , kill your mom and wear her out.
She probably hasn't had a night out in years.
Keep taking the tablets , remember makeup is not a right , its a priveledge,
and lets do something interesting , been a long time since we had a good church protest,
now Max don't you worry there is no such thing as bad publicity.
Gather ye rosebuds while ye may
ol' time is still a flying
for the very same flower that blooms today ...
tomorrow will be the First Baptist Flower of North Florida,
so off your asses kidz!
I wanna see Blood !

-This message brought to you by The Partnership for A Drugs for Free America
and your friends at The Pryncess XanaX home for Wayward Underage Asian Prostitutes.
 

Note to Jacksonville: Things are really getting better
By Whitney Weiss

Believe the hype, if there is hype to be believed. Because things are looking up for those who enjoy music and art and whatever else. It's all out there for you to patronize. Not in Orlando. Not in Gainesville. Right here in the city formerly known as Cowford.

It's not an explosion or a boom or any other word like bam or pow. It's just the slow surfacing of events and nights and concerts that has been chilling in the sludge of the St. John's River. Sure, you still ask "What's there to do tonight?" sometimes and there's no good answer. But this is happening less and less.

Such a claim would mean nothing with evidence. Do you like hip-hop without the blingbling? Go partake in Hip Hop Hell, which happens at Thee Imperial (Rock n Roll Pizza) downtown. Want a bit more bling? Go visit Voodoo. Have a thing for Catholic schoolgirl outfits? The London Bridge has you covered. These are new nights, and those that have been around for awhile are getting even better.

If riding mechanical bulls is your thing, 8 Seconds is your best bet for country feel, be it kitsch or sincere. Get your indie freak on Thursday nights at The Art Bar, where with every graduating high school class comes more and more people who want to dance to The Postal Service atop of retro flashing lights. Want to hear The Faint and Duran Duran? Head to Jacksonville's (don't call it) goth night on Saturdays at the Fat Kat. Feel like supporting, rather than insulting via a one-dimensional cover story, your local drag queen? There are numerous shows at Metro on Saturday nights.

In additon to all of this social action, the drink specials keep getting more and more fun. Two for ones and one for a quarters and drinks in paper bags abound. Bars and clubs still allow cigarette smoking as well, so feel free to bring your lung darts with you into the establishment of your choice.

Aspiring musicians and poets also no longer have to drive to St. Augestine to debut their skills. Fuel is having an open mic night again, and the London Bridge has a deal where local musicians can perform in their space to get exposure.

And what's old is new again. Fuel's return with a beautiful face-lift means that there's a place for those of Five Points to sit, relax and drink non-Starbucks coffee. Speaking of Five Points, Atropolis is known as Club 5 again.

Local Jacksonville artists are also beginning to get attention. The artwork of Shaun Thurston is becoming a staple of Riverside, appearing everywhere from the walls of Milo to the outside courtyard of The Art Bar. Local bands are also beginning to attract attention. Most recently, Trouble Is started touring for their major-label debut. One of their songs was even played during an MTV awards show.

Besides the local nights improving, Jacksonville is about to get a heaping bunch of good shows. Thank the promoters and thank the people who have been supporting national acts by showing up and buying tickets (this shows that we care). You'll be able to see Death Cab For Cutie, Mates of State, Built to Spill, and Yo La Tengo without having to drive outside of city limits. It's not a hipster's pipe dream. It's reality.

But these amazing club nights, fantastic concerts, and various otherworldly opportunities will not last unless you go out and support them! As Jacksonville's "scene" improves, be sure to buy local art and go to local shows in addition to frequenting clubs and big concerts. Also: artists, musicians, etc...Movement is here for you. We want to listen to your CD, come see your exhibit, or interview you. We want to because we want other people to know about you. We want those other people to support you as well, because this helps the arts community of Jacksonville grow. Even the casual observer should dig this concept, because it means neato club nights and more frequent big concerts. Keep up the momentum, because it looks like things are really, truly getting better.
 

SCHOOL #4
By Kent Donohoe

The old school house in Riverside known as Public School Number Four has been a place that people have gone to wondering what the structure holds behind it's old walls. Almost no history of the building is known only after alot of research that i have done I found out alot about one of Jacksonville's biggest urban legends, School Four. After it opened in 1917, it was renamed to Annie Lytle Public School, after one of it's former principals. The artitect of the structure was Rutledge Holmes and it was built by Florida Engineering & Construction Company. The cost of the school for the construction in 1917 was $250,000. It orginally over looked Riverside Park until the construction of I-95 in the 1950's. It closed at the end of the school year of 1973. Alot believe all these different urban legends about the building, but there is no record of death ever on the property.  The only police report for the building except numerous tresspassings is a homeless person that raped another homeless person in the school. That is all the information that is avaliable about the school that I could get. And that was almost two years of off and on researching.
            

WHEN THE WOLVES COME OUT OF THE WALLS
By Neil Rhodes

 

“When the wolves come out of the walls, it’s all over.”

 

            But what is “it”?  Most of us really don’t know.  There are people who do know, but they aren’t talking.  And, if the newest piece of legislation (a piece “still in progress” and not yet put to vote) is passed, there will be a lot more we don’t know. 

            One thing we can be sure of is that if the Domestic Security Enhancement Act of 2003 (also known as the Patriot Act II) is passed, we won’t know the same freedoms we have been enjoying for well over two hundred years.  From John Ashcroft, the man who brought you “The Gulf War II: Bloodbath in Baghdad” and censored Justice’s attempt at partial nudity) now brings you the blockbuster sequel to the Patriot Act!  If you thought it sucked before…well, buddy, just you wait!

            You want to know more?  Sure, we all do.  That’s why the Justice Department has kept this under wraps as much as possible.  But thanks to Public Integrity, a special interest group dedicated to disclosing what some would keep hidden (www.publicintegrity.org) and W2K News, of all things a computer tech ‘zine (www.w2knews.com), I gained access to a copy of the legislation as it stands now.  Warning: This may cause you to become enraged and to contact your representative and/or senator!!

            Ever get sick and tired of due process and human rights?  Does it just irritate you when low-life criminals are treated like human beings?  Well, Section 201 is for you!  Section 201 (regarding the Prohibition of Disclosure of Terrorism Investigation Detainee Information) allows the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) agents to withhold any information on detainees to protect “sensitive business information” and “personal privacy” from the common American.  Probably because they are doing things they shouldn’t.  Has anyone wondered what they are doing with all of those detainees in Guatanamo Bay?  Look it up, they are still there. 

            Hands up, who likes dirty air? I do! I can’t get enough!  In fact, I sometimes ask chemical companies to dump waste right in my empty swimming pool so that I can bask in the carcinogens!  (If you are really nice, they sometimes give you a hosing with an experimental pesticide.)  Well, we can breathe less easily and with more hope of disease thanks to Section 202.  The Distribution of “Worst Case Scenario” Information requires chemical companies which use potentially dangerous chemicals to provide a “worst case scenario”, allowing the public in the surrounding area to be informed what would happen should something go awry.  This section would allow FOIA officers to restrict requests of these reports to a because they could be “roadmaps for terrorists.”  Let’s face it folks, if recent events in Israel are any indication, these terrorists have trouble with “roadmaps.”  Basically, this is a loophole allowing these companies to run dirty business (pun intended) without those bothersome people who live in the area getting in the way and increasing costs.

            Everyone wants to expand the definition of terrorism, but how do we do it?  Sections 301-306: making America safe for…white people.  The Terrorist Identification Database would keep DNA records of anyone suspected of being a terrorist.  Not convicted, not accused…suspected.  What does terrorism mean?  Terrorism, from the Latin terrere (to cause to tremble), is any act with the intent to cause fear.  This makes almost everyone a suspect: from your parents who threaten you with grounding to the school bully…but not to groups like the NRA or militiamen, they just love America.

            Have you ever sat and wondered just how much better this world would be if there weren’t Miranda rights and the like?  I know I would feel safer if the cops were just allowed to be as dirty as they want to be.  Thank you Section 312.  You understand white middle-class America and Fox’s Cops!  All those annoying state consent decrees, preventing all that racial profiling (we know white people don’t commit terrorist acts…except for that Oklahoma Federal Building bombing…)  and civil rights violations (Well, Rodney King deserved it! He was on drugs!) can be thrown out the window.  Who needs ‘em?  Not us white folks with money and Jesus!

            Drug offenders are often held without bail before their trial.  Terrorists are much more dangerous and should also be held.  Enter Section 405.  Presumption for Pretrial Detention in Cases Involving Terrorism sounds good at first; but I refer you back to Camp X-Ray in Guatanamo Bay.  Who knows when the trial will be?  We’ll get to you as soon as possible, Mr. Aziz, red tape and all that, you know?  (derisive laugh)

            Does anyone remember the horror stories from the McCarthy Era?  Anyone ever see the move The Front?  Well, back then, the federal government could blacklist and even deport anyone in the U.S. who was accused of being a Communist.  Those were the good old days.  I wish I had lived then: apple pie, pretty white girls in poodle dresses, baseball.  But look!  Up in the sky!  It’s a bird!  It’s a plane! No, it’s…Section 501!  Oh, just when I thought there was no hope!  Finally, the federal government will be able to decide who is and who is not an American citizen!  No more anti-war protests!  No more godless pro-choicers or Muslims or Jews or ethnic people….oh, please, Jesus, don’t let this dream end!  Expatriation of terrorists used to occur when an American citizen formally relinquished their citizenship.  With this act, Ashcroft and his cronies would be able to decide who gets to stay and who has to go based on conduct.  Conduct defined, loosely, by Sections 301-306.

            These are just a sample of the B.S. being presented to congress.  Congress voted almost unanimously to pass the first Patriot Act, and we may be decades recovering those rights, if we recover them at all.  CALL YOUR SENATORS! CALL YOUR REPRESENTATIVES!  CALL THE PRESIDENT!  CALL THE VICE-PRESIDENT!  TELL YOUR FRIENDS!  If this bill passes, let it not be because we did not exercise those rights which teeter so close to the rim of the toilet bowl.